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#28 The Season for Letting Go

June 22, 2008

Inhibitions. Everyone has them. Some have more. Some have less. For me, it’s my past, my fears, my parents, my weaknesses, me. Social norms. Caring about what others think about you. More than once I tell myself that I’m beyond caring. I am taking off this heavy-as-lead coat called Inhibitions and I’m going on my own way, I’m doing this my way, I don’t care if I’m labelled, branded and stamped on the forehead with unthinkably ugly names, but I’m going anyway. Then I would swivel around faster than the time taken for me to conceive that immensely silly decision (as though it didn’t go through my brain at all) and start running again in the same direction that I’ve always been running. And the faster I run, the further I entrenched myself in everything I’ve always believed in, and they are not necessarily all black-and-white, right-versus-wrong.

As you grow older, you start to think (or so, you would like to think) that you have more power over your decisions, your life, your relationships, your beliefs, and it is far less easier now for someone to just walk over and take that away from you. You tell yourself lovely stories, conjure up beautiful lies and paint breathtakingly heartbreakingly perfect pictures…all in the hopes of burying your deepest darkest secrets and everything you hope time will wash away but as usual, it wouldn’t, and the process begins again. The fact is, as days, weeks and years pass by, the ashes settle and the rain comes down, and all the debris from your everyday life keeps coming in and adding on and everything just gets mixed up in a whole runny goo called Your Life.

There’s no way telling which part comes from where and definitely impossible to take up a scalpel and carve it right out of your heart. If only digging up the ghosts of your life is as clean-cut as amputation. I guess the only other way is breathe deep and try to let go, from deep within, bit by bit, even if it’s just a fraction of a nano-piece everyday.

Listen: Frou Frou‘s Let Go

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