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#29 Five Very Bad (yet Very Addictive) College-Girl Things To Do

June 22, 2008

Someday, hell, you probably are already doing all of them, you will find yourself doing one (or all) of these things. Don’t say I didn’t warn you in advance. This one here is speaking from ongoing experience.

1. Cyberstalking that cutie (or those cuties) on Facebook.
Admit it. How are you going to get their vital stats as easily as plugging their names into the Search box and digging up their profiles and then proceed to scour and study them like your life depends on them? (Okay, as a matter of fact, your love life DOES depend on them.) So keep scouring.

2. Being emo, angsty and all the hungover, left over feelings from your very deprived adolescence.
It feels good to feel pathetic. Just lay there staring at the ceiling, or a topless ab-elicious Mark Wahlberg life size poster on it, generally wallowing in self-pity about anything and everything. Let out a sigh that sounds like a cross between a wailing emergency siren and an enraged walrus. There, didn’t that feel so good.

3. Deny, deny, deny.
No, it’s not me. I sure didn’t do that. It’s not MY fault. He did it. She does it allll the time. Lesson #1: Always deny, ’cause it’s always worth trying.

4. Overeat, then overexercise. Repeat.
You can never be too skinny in college. You have to admit this: it always looks better to be svelte and fit then jiggly and fiddly. And you know eventually, once you start working, have kids, or indulge in relationship/marital bliss and fall into the comfort trap, you will gain the extra pounds. Prevention is better than cure, so starve yourself eat less now. Sometimes, you overeat (like me today, again), then you embark on a rigorous exercise regime to shave the calories off.

5. Fall in Love with More Than Half a Dozen Guys in One Semester. Repeat.
So many boys! So little time! You know eventually you just need one guy to be your ever-after husband, but they all look too good to pass up. (The truth is, none of them scored enough points in your book to be husband-material). Before you get protective with any of the your guys, don’t worry, we all feel the same way too. At the end of the day, the universe will work itself out, and hopefully we all get one each to adore and abuse. So spread your love and start falling in love.

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