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#46 Post-Exam Musings

December 7, 2008

Thinking how much “I can’t wait for the exams to be over” was my numero uno preoccupation just a couple of days ago, besides my constant cravings for chocolate, Grey’s Anatomy and uninterrupted sleep without having to worry that the moment my alarm clock rings, I’ll be faced with stacks of unread readings and revision I can never be able to complete in time for the finals. I had random, gripping pangs of anxiety, panic and guilt whenever I succumbed to the evil voice in my head and told myself it’s okay to spend 45 minutes on *just* one episode of Gossip Girl to clear my head, destress, (insert your favorite justification for procrastinating yet again), and anyway I couldn’t concentrate on studying.

Just dreaming about the freedom of being able to sweep aside all my notes, readings, books and do absolutely NOTHING instantly brightens me up, but never really provides me with enough incentive to get my engines revving. It began to cloud my mind, and permeated every corner of my consciousness, to the point that I thought I might just go insane… especially when it felt as though days of liberation from academic torture seemed so beyond reach. I began scribbling down lists of things to buy, things to do, places to see, to alleviate me from the mental grinding and remind myself that I would soon be free, I just needed to suck it up and be patient.

Yet, the moment when the chief invigilator announced, “Thank you for waiting, you’re free to go. Happy holidays!” I was clearly disappointed because I definitely did not feel fireworks going off in my head. Someone up ahead cheered with a resounding whoop. Instantly, a cacophony of frenzied, excited chatter, laced with promises of exotic vacations, fulfiling volunteer stints, and long hours of sweet slumber, pierced the tense atmosphere in the room.

The spell was broken, as it dawned upon me that there is absolutely nothing special about the exams being over. Life continues to go on as per normal (since I held my ground and did not go loco), the annoying kids in school continue to be as disgustingly pretentious and obnoxious, and the smart ones breezed past the rest of us with an air of confidence, oozing superiority and nonchalance, as though the finals were a walk in the park.

And before I can even let out my very own celebratory cheer, I already felt like it’s going to be a long one month ahead before school starts again. I missed the routine of going to class already. Another reason why I can’t and won’t enjoy this holiday, is because Christmas is hot, sticky and humid here, only a handful of people celebrate this holiday for the right reasons (that do not include opportunities to do good to gain karma points or exchange gifts so they themselves can get what they want — don’t get me started on how commercialisation has hijacked Xmas completely) and frankly our brains are not *THAT* fried that we need one entire month to recuperate.

But then again, I can’t say the same for everyone else because I definitely didn’t study super hard for the finals, as I should have. The day of reckoning when the results are released will probably bite me in the ass, but meanwhile let me rummage through the post-exam debris-covered desk to find that List of Things to Do in the Holidays.

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