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#73 How To Impress A College Guy

November 17, 2010

The search statistics that led people to my blog seem to indicate a substantial amount of college students, presumably girls, hunting for information on how to impress a college guy. To add to the overwhelming literature already available on the Internet, and to sprinkle a little satirical flavour of my own, welcome to the Absolut College Girl’s version. Tread with caution.

Before we begin, understand this point: College guys are complicated. They seem so straightforward and simple-minded, especially if you have watched them through sober eyes, drunken boy playing beer pong, backflipping into the pool from the roof of the guesthouse, trying to buy you a drink at closing time just because all his friends have gone to get some “action”… But really, the one worth catching is way more multi-faceted than you think. Not that I’m suggesting that he might be afflicted with bipolar disorder and/or a tendency to exhibit split personalities. They are often compelled by the pressures that come from the boy-to-man transition to commit things they all claim they didn’t do. (“I swear!”)

That said, it’s really very straightforward to impress a decent college guy. I mean, if you have been watching TV, oh I sure hope you have, you would know! Why scour all over the Internet for tips? The hardest part is actually performing them, because every other college girl has probably printed out a list of must-dos a week before freshman year and gotten them down to pat. But for the benefit of those who require a recap, get ready to start googling.

#1 Dress your personality. Dress like you MEAN it.
Ask yourself, which aspect of your personality do you want to channel? Preppy? Look to Blair Waldorf circa Gossip Girl Season 1 and 2 for inspiration. Sexy in an understated way? Glam up the Rachel Berry look in GLEE. That means, please, no sloppy t-shirts, jogging shorts, sweatpants, that sort of frumpy things.

The key is knowing what fits your style and body. College Fashion regularly updates their site with fresh ideas that are up to date and relevant to the college girl’s budget.

#2 Express yourself.
I don’t mean asking tons of questions during lecture time. (That will only put a bullseye on your back and make you the professor’s pet.) Pipe up when you have something meaningful to say. If you constantly find yourself with nothing to contribute towards the collective intellectual, you need to study harder. Join a study group. Steal a star student’s quote, for beginners, but work your way up. Let you voice be heard. Not only will you impress that one guy, you will impress many, and best of all, your professor.

#3 Put yourself out there, and keep busy.
Yeah, stand on a coffee cart, with a handmade sign saying “FREE HUGS…and more!” in the middle of the cafeteria. I hope you can tell when I’m kidding by now. Occupy yourself with activities and hobbies that you truly have a passion for. A pretty well-spoken girl who plays the oboe, tap-dances, enjoys baking and hangs with the windsurfing team is definitely the kind of girl that attracts a stellar man of calibre.

Not saying you have to be that Little Miss Perfect, but don’t make yourself too available by having your own things to attend to. (Personally, I think if you are musically challenged, like me, the easiest way is to pick up a foreign language. Instant bonus bonus points.)

#4 Be sincere, and have a sense of humour.
Nothing worse than a prissy brat or an hypocritical prude who disses her peers for their lackadaisical social etiquettes when she herself goes around acting all obnoxious and classless. You’d be surprised that a lot of good manners go out of the window when people hit college age.

Don’t forget what your mama taught you; smile, say thank you, learn to laugh, and appreciate people for who they are. Because, as cliché as this sounds, the beauty within shines through. (And you never know at any point if a boy is secretly spying at you over his Jonathan Franzen novel.)

#5 Go solo.
College boys hate having to approach an entire entourage of your girlfriends, and fend off a million annoying giggly questions just so he can have a casual conversation with you. Sitting alone sometimes is good for your sanity. (Take a cue from Serena Van der Woodsen who operates sans entourage.)

Pretend to read a book at the bleachers while enjoying a good football game in springtime, spend hours with your laptop (but NO HEADPHONES) in the campus cafe. If someone has his eye on you, he’d seize the opportunity, when peak hour rolls around and he “can’t find anywhere else to sit”, he’d look to you with desperate wild eyes. “Is this seat taken?” has never sounded sweeter.

Bonus tip: Talk to him first.
A gutsy girl is so avant-garde, so brazen, and oh-so-sexy.

Why do you think that all good men are either taken, married or gay? Because someone got there BEFORE you. ♥

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